April 18, 2017

The Day We Would Meet Our Miracle {Our Infertility Story Part 2}

{Our Frozen Transfer...}

It was a perfect day. The sun couldn't have shone any brighter, it was like all of our guardian angels in the sky were saying good luck. I was incredibly nervous, a little excited and cautiously optimistic. You see, we had gone through so many failures to get this point it really was hard to believe that another treatment would work. I never was certain that it would work and I really didn't want to set myself up for disappointment, but on the other hand we had done absolutely everything we could and really, there was no reason why it shouldn't.

My heart was racing as they rolled me into the operating room (which sounds a lot more intimidating than it is.) This little old lady came barreling through the back door and through her hands in the air and said, "OH MY GOODNESS, I HAVE NEVER SEE A MORE PERFECT EMBRYO." The nurse smiled and said it's a good sign when she gets this excited about a transfer. Now granted, I don't think they would tell you your embryo looks like crap and this is probably going to fail, but I'll admit I felt a little boost of confidence + relief from this outburst. It was the most incredible thing when they turned on the TV and our teeny tiny little 5 day old embryo appeared. Man, science is so cool. You can't even imagine how small this little spec of matter was. The catheter that they use to insert the embryo is about a 1/4 of the size of a pen ink cartridge. Like, how do you even know there's anything on it?! The procedure took about 5 minutes if that, and was the least painful part of the entire experience. I just laid there and cried for a while, at this point in our treatment my hormone levels were through the roof and I was as hot of a mess as they come.

Now what? Can I pee? If I sneeze will my embryo fall out? Is walking up stairs ok. SERIOUSLY, infertility makes you cray cray and these are all real thoughts that crossed my mind. Also, how the F am I going to get through these next two weeks of waiting. Well spoiler alert, as much as they stressed that you shouldn't test before the two week period I DID. I broke down at 6 days past the transfer, which is equal to about 11 DPO. I knew it was early, I knew I might not get those lines, and I knew I would be devastated if I didn't but my impatience got the best of me.

I can honestly say it was the best moment of my life. Those dark pink lines appeared instantly. No squinting, no holding up the light, no staring at it intensely for 10 minutes. Two bright pink lines, just in time for Valentines day. We were finally pregnant.

Now if you think the two week wait until you get to take a pregnancy test is bad, the two week wait until your first doctors appointment is excruciating. We had gotten a positive pregnancy test before but sadly it ended in a chemical pregnancy. I was an absolute nervous wreck the entire time. Over analyzing ever twinge, every cramp, any sort of movement in my stomach. When they day finally came that we got to see our little peanut and it's tiny flickering heart beat. That was actually the best day of our lives.

To each and every single one of you who said a prayer for us, left a note of kindness or shared your stories of success and support with us. We cannot thank-you enough. I know that we have a long way to go to meeting our little miracle but each day this little life thrives inside me is a day worth celebrating. As I sit here, in tears of happiness I know some of you are reading this waiting for your turn. I know it's so hard, and you feel like it will never happen for you. I can't say when it will, but over the past year I have witnessed so many blessings come to those who fought for it. Your blessing is coming in one way or another. Sending nothing but positive vibes to everyone struggling.

Love + Light

- Tatum